Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
