Porn is love you can see.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
