Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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