The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
