About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
