I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
