Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
third nipple confirmed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
