just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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