I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
