In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
