Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
