hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
