yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
