I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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