Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
