That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
