apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
