Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
