Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
