Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
