I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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