Do you still have your period?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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