I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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