so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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