I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
