it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
