So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
