lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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