from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
