I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
