3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
