i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
