I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
