when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
