he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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