By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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