I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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