youre lurking in front of me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
