I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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