You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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