I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
