I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
