just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
