Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
