saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
