I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
