I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
