Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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