It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
