I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
