I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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