Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
