i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
