The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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