It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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