never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
